This is the video titled “I Want to Be There…” that our team (Dennis Galloway, Sharon Hill and I) made during our week together in a multimedia storytelling workshop. Grab some tissue, you might need it… I did. :-)
(Had a little trouble with the original post, so I loaded it up on YouTube and I think it will work better now! Thanks for all the great comments and support!)
Mom’s family… Mom is front and center. What a cutie!
It is so wonderful to capture our experiences as we go along in life. Through written stories, photographs… even audio and video. If we can let ourselves be open and vulnerable, we may create or receive a gift… A treasure. That was my experience this week.
I was part of a “Multimedia Storytelling” workshop with the fantastic Ami Vitale this week. Mom and I became the story for our group (Dennis Galloway, Sharon Hill and me).
When Dennis and I visited Mom on Monday, she was alert and responsive. She even said it was okay that we filmed her for our project. That excited us. Then when the three of us returned Tuesday, she was very disoriented and shut-down. It may have been some overwhelm from the three of us coming in and setting up equipment, etc. I’m not sure.
We had to shift the focus of the story to my experience of overseeing my Mom’s care. My teammates interviewed and filmed me. I told them that if I cried (I had a box of tissues there), they were not to worry and keep going. They asked great questions.
Below is the video we created this week. I give great thanks to Ami Vitale for her guidance and warm heart. I’m also grateful to our course coordinators Will Van Beckum and Jake Snider. (Jake’s music is in the video.) My heart is full of gratitude for the staff at Ponce de Leon Senior Living and Mom’s hospice nurse Rosie for their grace and generosity during this project and what they provide lovingly on a daily basis. Most of all I’d like to thank Dennis Galloway and Sharon Hill for their great spirit and contribution to this gift that will be a treasured moment for my family.
Let the video load up… Grab some tissues… Kiss your Moms…
Rick
Been out of touch for a few months… Mom is well… Down to 84 pounds… Eesh! But, still loving the Klondike Bars (Maybe there is a paid sponsorship possible there?).
As we head out of 2011, we hope you had a grand holiday season…
The outside of this year’s card.
Although Mom didn’t fully comprehend the making of this year’s card, it was important for me to include her and have a playful time with it.
With the help of an iPad app called “Incredibooth” and about a 1/2-hour of Mom’s time… My heart was lifted to a joyful place! Happy holidays, indeed!
Recently, I had a conversation with a woman about how fascinating the human brain is… How different information is stored in different parts of the brain.
I mentioned how my Dad, when in the hospital, would write a paragraph note in about a 1/2-inch space (small zigzags), but could sign his name perfectly. The doctor had said the note was an immediate creation versus his signature which was a muscle memory – something Dad had probably done thousands of times… Fascinating!
The woman shared that her mother had dementia and that her sister would sing her Mom’s favorite songs… And her Mom would sing along… Fascinating!
So, the other day I was sitting on the couch next to my Mom and I remembered the above conversation. The only song I could think of was “Jingle Bells”… So I began singing loudly:
Me: “Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the way…”
Mom turned her head dramatically and looked at me curiously. I couldn’t help but smile really big and continue…
Me: “Oh what fun…”
I paused… Mom’s face lit up and she smiled… Then, she joined in…
Mom: “It is to ride…”
Mom smiled more and paused… Her eyes locked on mine…
Me: “In a one-horse open sleigh…”
Mom’s body jumped as she finished with a loud…
Mom: “Hey!”
I laughed with my heart bursting at the sight of Mom’s face. Then I thought, “Okay, I need another song…” I remembered that, “Wayne Newton sang to my Mom when she was young… So here goes…”
Me: “Danke schön, darling danke schön!…”
Okay, that is how it spelled…
But I sang it more like, “Donkey shane, darling donkey shane…”
Then I was stumped… Mom was looking at me expectantly…
Me: (big sigh) “Sorry Mom, those are the only words I know to that song.”
Mom grinned and returned her gaze to the TV.
I left Mom that day feeling light, happy and awesome!
My new mission: Compile songs and nursery rhymes that have been embedded in our brains since we were kids.
Looks like 2012 will be a wonderful adventure in playful experimentation!
Happy 2012 to you all!
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
My wonderful friend Megan Westervelt was taking a photo workshop this past week by Bob Sacha titled “Visual Storytelling with Audio” (www.santafeworkshops.com). She asked if she could do her personal project on me and Mom…
Of course I said “YES!”
I have to say Megan created a “Perfect Portrait” of me, Mom and our relationship during the past two years and into our future!
Please watch it! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! It makes me cry and laugh every time… And that’s our relationship! Absolutely awesome job Megan!
The link to the multi-media story is:
http://www.rickallredimagery.com/megan-momstory/index.html
The images and audio are © Megan Westervelt… The little snippet of music is from a great musician named Raven Redfox from her album “Blue in my Bones” the song titled “Bonedog Blues”. Raven does great guitar blues. If you want a CD let me know and I’ll treat you to one… Or you can email Raven directly at: vinylraven50@aol.com
If you want to let Megan know what you think of the story, you can go to her facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/update_security_info.php?wizard=1#!/profile.php?id=8504756
Or email her at: meganwestervelt@yahoo.com
And one last thing…
Can someone please tell me…
How the f#@% does “Betto” (Mom’s cat) know that the Klondike bars are in the freezer?!? (He jumped on the breakfast bar, then ran over the stove and across the counter tops and into the freezer… I did not put him there!)
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
Mom doesn’t ask for much… She really doesn’t talk much either. But about a month or so ago, she did keep up a desire to have a cat again. So, I began checking out the Humane Society for kittens. Being Spring and all, I figured there must be a few out there. After a few weeks, I ended up finding a cute little spitfire named “Miles”… Miles? Blecht!
His new name is “Betto”, short for “Benedetto” which is Italian for “Blessed”… He is a little rascal though… Probably should have named him “Luci”, you know… Short for “Lucifer!” But that’s too girly for a boy cat.
(Read in a whisper tone!) Actually, just between you and me… “Betto” was the closest Italian name I could get to “Betty”. In the year after my Dad died, as Mom’s mental capacities began to diminish, she developed a stubborn, angry streak when it came to her older sister, my Aunt Betty. We still don’t know why. Mom could never clarify it… Aunt Betty would say, “Hi!” and Mom would get pissy, “Oh there she goes again!” Okay, okay I embellish a little, but not that much. So anyway, I digress. Betto/Betty was the chosen name as my own little giggle that unbeknownst to Mom, Betty is with her every day. And here’s a HUGE disclaimer: The Lucifer reference in NO WAY refers to my Aunt Betty! She’s awesome! Hmmm? … But the little rascal may still apply a little bit! Hah! Just kidding Aunt Betty! Love ya!
Anyway… Back to regular voice now…
Since Betto arrived, Mom has perked up quite a bit. Mom is definitely back to, or at least close to, “normal”… Always feeding Betto part of her Klondike Bar.
My favorite shot so far is the one I captured when I went to Mom’s a little late and she had already gone to bed. I was able to get one quick shot of Betto just as he woke up… On top of Mom’s head.
That just cracks me up! What a cute, little, cross-eyed fella!
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
One more note about Evelyn’s passing…
Hi all! Thanks for the great comments. I just wanted to add that I got to be with Renie’s Mom, Evelyn, about a day before she passed.
Renie and I spoke in her living room for a moment when I arrived. Then Renie asked, “Do you want to say ‘Good-bye’ to Mama?” And I answered, “Actually, I’d like to say ‘Hello’…” We both smiled.
I was fascinated when I went into Evelyn’s room and she looked up at me. All I could do was smile. There was no sadness… Just a huge sense of joy for her. She had had a great life with a wonderful family.
Evelyn looked up at me and smiled and I said, “Hey gorgeous!”
She grinned and reached up at me.
As I held her hand and looked at her, I noticed her eyes were amazingly blue…
I had never noticed how blue her eyes were before that moment.
Renie was taking a few pictures of us being together.
After we finished, Renie began speaking with her Mom and comforting her. I picked up Renie’s camera and began taking photos of them together.
Renie began to cry as she reassured her Mom. Evelyn was saying, “No, no, no… Be happy. Be happy.” As Renie cried, that was when I began to feel sadness for her… Her love for her Mom… Her pending loss… And I cried.
(For those in the photographic world, Renie has a “lensbaby” on her camera… Do you know how hard it is to focus a lensbaby with tears in your eyes!?! The photos were artistic to say the least.)
Renie and I spoke more after we left Evelyn’s room… Cried more, too. And, we shared what an amazing gift Renie had to be a part of her Mom’s life at this time, and for the past year.
Seven of Evelyn’s eight children were able to make it to Santa Fe within the next 24 hours. The eighth was able to be with Evelyn by phone. She passed early the next morning. A life wonderfully lived…
Who do you love? What have you always wanted to do or experience? Is there any joy that is being saved for “some day”?
Wishing all y’all much laughter and love!
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
My dearest friend Renie and I have been following similar paths these past couple years. Her Mom Evelyn is a cancer survivor and moved in with Renie in March of 2010. Evelyn has been “on Hospice Care”.
I moved Mom in with me in March of 2009. She was put “on Hospice” about a month, or so, ago under the designation of “failure to thrive”. (Mom’s effort was dwindling in the areas of eating, drinking, walking, talking, taking her medication, etc… She weighed 89 pounds fully clothed with shoes. The designation fit.)
Different people handle similar situations… Well, differently. I am fascinated by human behavior! It’s been interesting for me to watch how my Mom has been spending the final years of her life and also how Evelyn has been spending hers. By no means is it a comparison of “right and wrong”. It is simply a fascinating observation for me.
Evelyn, me and Mom playing “Chicken Foot” a game Mom used to love.
Renie and I have spoken often about our current paths and how they seem to parallel each other in some ways, and not in others.
Evelyn has been pretty open about moving to Santa Fe to live with Renie and her husband, Dan, to spend her final days, weeks, months and/or years.
Evelyn is a poet with a wonderfully irreverent style.
She has had a wish granted by the Dream Foundation – Having dinner with Morgan Freeman. That happened in December… Does Morgan Freeman rock, or what?!
Back in April, as my Mom recovered in the hospital, Evelyn held a poetry reading to thank the Hospice people for all they have done for her family and herself and to acknowledge the folks at the Dream Foundation. It was wonderful and emotional for me. Evelyn read some of her poems. Then Renie read one of Evelyn’s poems, then one by one other friends came to the podium to read Evelyn’s poetry. It was so beautiful – the beauty of the words, the love in the room, the joy of life. I was a tear machine for the whole thing. It brought up sad feelings and happy ones. I had trouble identifying which one came when… And I couldn’t stop the tears. All of it was joyful for me. As I drove away I felt drained and lighter at the same time.
Watching Renie and Evelyn together at the podium was beautiful.
I so appreciate what Evelyn and Renie created together that day, and that I was able to witness the love and honor that Renie has for Evelyn, and vice versa… It is a beautiful, graceful thing!
Evelyn and Renie have created three books with Evelyn’s poetry and Renie’s photography. They are wonderful collaborations! I’ve added the links below for those who like books of creative expression.
“I Am Not My Body” http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/192203
“Contentment” http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/362332
“Journey With Purpose” http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/953488
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
“I want to die before your Dad.”
That is what my Mom said to me back in 2007 when my Dad was in the hospital for cancer. I sat in silence for a minute then said, “That sucks… I’m not sure what you want me to say to that.” I explained that if she wanted to “go” before Dad, that it was her choice and she could go… And, I would hope that she would want to be around to spend time with the rest of the family, especially her granddaughter, Staci.
Images of me and my brother Scott and a couple photos of Staci keep company with the “need assistance” pull-cord in Mom’s bedroom.
Her sentiment was understandable though… Marrying Dad, raising a family and then retiring with Dad were the main focuses of most of Mom’s life. Since Dad’s death, she has pretty much checked out of life (It actually started the previous year while Dad was in the hospital) and has been heading downhill health-wise. She now weighs 89 pounds.
The best I can do is make Mom smile and be with her however she is and however she is not each day I visit her. My life has become much more peaceful by realizing this.
At Easter brunch with Mom we were given hard-boiled eggs to decorate. I drew a bunny on one and the other rolled off the table… Giving me another idea. The next day we were told by one of the managers that the bunny was voted the “best one” created. Mom didn’t eat much of her Easter meal, but did eat a few of the table decorations (i.e. jelly beans).
Mom and me on Easter.
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Mom crashed-out in her hospital bed.
At least she ate the broccoli… Mom is encouraged by my friend, Maggi, to eat more. Looks like Mom is joyously considering it!
It’s been a busy and very fast month-ish since Mom was pulling out her i.v. in the hospital. She was transferred to a rehab facility for just more than 3 weeks. She did perk up a little being around more people (something I’ve been encouraging for the two years since she moved her with no luck in the acceptance department).
She had improved somewhat, but was only up to about 85% of the health, clarity and mobility that she had before she “fell” and went into the hospital.
A little bit of love at the rehab facility.
I can kind of see why Mom wasn’t eating at the rehab facility… Eesh!
I had some great conversations with my brother, Scott, about her current state and we agreed that if she came back home that she would continue to be inactive, watch TV all day, deteriorate again and end up back in the hospital again and again (sooner and sooner each time)… It just didn’t make sense and wouldn’t be serving Mom.
So, I found a place that was a senior apartment facility – part independent-living, part assisted-living. They had a one-bedroom unit available awesomely located diagonally across the hall from the nurses’ office and very close to the activity and dining rooms.
When we made the move from the assisted living facility to Mom’s new apartment, I had to get a list of the medications to bring to the new nurses… THAT was when I found out that the rehab facility had apparently never been told by the hospital that Mom needed to take medication for her dementia. “Say WHAT?!!!”
Turns out Mom had not received her dementia pills for at least 3 ½ weeks (possibly more). That explains many of the events that happened at the rehab facility… Especially the time I was leaving Mom as they sat her down for dinner and she freaked-out that I was leaving her “alone” (in a dining room full of people). “Don’t leave me alone! Don’t leave me alone!” I just couldn’t get her to understand that everything was okay and that I would be back the next day.
The next day I checked with the nurse to make sure Mom was receiving her pills. He showed me the schedule and all the initials for when she was given pills… Sooooooo, the important thing I learned? Just because there is a schedule of giving pills, I HAVE TO ASK WHAT ACTUAL PILLS ARE BEING GIVEN!
AAARGH! I was so frustrated to learn this new tidbit of information. I’ve learned my lesson.
The unfortunate result of this is that Mom is now much more disoriented, confused and is refusing (like a kid throwing a tantrum) to take either of her pills for dementia and parkinsons. So, it sucks… Her dementia is still fully active and now instead of just her legs being a little shaky when she walks, now her hands really shake when she is trying to eat or use them in anyway.
On the bright side, the staff at her new apartment facility checks on her every couple hours and escorts her to and from all meals. It seems to be helping her at least in the emotional area (Until they ask her to take her pills, of course! ☺ ). It has also helped me to have some extra time to finish up some projects that have been sitting around for a couple years.
Asleep on the couch at her new apartment. It’s a great place!
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Mom fell last Friday… She was getting off the couch to let the cat in. It was more of a “couldn’t hold herself up and she sat on her legs/feet” thing.
We untangled her legs and tried to stand her up, but she couldn’t stand on her own. I slept on the floor next to her bed to make sure she wouldn’t get up at the crack of dawn and try to walk without help.
When I woke up, Mom couldn’t even hold herself up in a seated position. I called the ambulance (she was not happy about that) and we took her to the hospital.
They did a bunch of tests and I got a call Saturday afternoon. The nurse said, “All the test came back normal, so we’re going to release her. When can you come and pick her up?”
“Even though she can’t walk?” I asked.
“Yes, all of the tests came back normal,” she said.
“So you’re going to release her even though she can’t walk?” I could feel my tone getting louder and a bit pissy.
I finally said I would talk to them when I got there.
I’m no expert, but I’m so glad I’ve been to the hospital multiple times and have enough friends who have given me advice dealing with medical issues that I have learned I don’t have to just say, “Okay.” to whatever I am told there.
I spoke with the ER doctor and told him that he had to give me more options because what they are saying is that I have to carry my Mom home, carry her up the stairs, carry her to bed, carry her to the bathroom, etc. etc…. And I wasn’t set up for that. Besides, I didn’t feel it was “normal” since she could walk and now suddenly can’t.
The doctor agreed to keep her another day and have the Physical Therapists check her out… Then we could discuss transferring her to an assisted living facility for some physical rehab…
Well, after a couple days in the hospital Mom’s urine test came back (turns out not ALL of the tests had come back to the ER). It gave indications that she may have an infection which could be the cause of her not being able to stand/walk. AAAARRRGH! Don’t say that ALL of the tests have come back “normal” if NOT ALL the tests have come back!!! That’s bullshit!… (sigh)… Okay, I’m back.
The whole experience has had me think a lot about where I have failed and where I’ve done okay in all of this and the past. You will always question if you’ve done everything “right”… It is ridiculous, really. You will do what you do, and just know it is the best you can do.
Anywho… Mom has been in the hospital the whole week and is doing well. She has gotten out of bed to walk at 2am (or make a break for it), she has fallen once and the kicker was today when I visited her. I was sitting with her and watching TV when I saw her move out of the corner of my eye. She was setting something on the bed table.
“Did you just pull that out of you!???!” I asked, knowing that was a dumb question. “MooOOOoom!!!!”
Then I noticed the blood running down her arm onto her gown and the sheets. “Don’t Move!” I said rather Dad-like.
I told the nurses that Mom had pulled out her I.V. They came and changed her gown. Then one nurse came to put in a new I.V.
“I get to photograph you getting the new I.V.” I told Mom, “I want to catch the exact moment they put the I.V. in and you feel it.”
The nurse told her to relax and not to jump or he would have to poke her twice…
“Ow!” Mom jumped. I snapped the photo.
“Cool! I get to shoot another picture of you grimacing because you jumped and pulled out the I.V.!” I said, yes there was a little glee in my voice.
The second time worked. “Got it!” I said proudly. Mom gave me a dirty look.
“Did that hurt?” I asked.
“YES!” Mom said emphatically.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t pull it out!” I said, “Every time you do, they will have to poke you and put it back in… So stop picking at it!”
“Pthhhhhhhhhhhhh!” That’s Mom sticking her tongue out and blowing air at me.
The nurse put a wrap over her I.V. to protect it a little. Mom calmed down and stopped picking at it. She did pick a little at the bracelets they have on her arms. I told her that I could understand that since they spelled her name wrong on the orange one. She looked at the band stating “Allergy” (not Allred) and tried to hold back a smile… But, I saw it.
© 2011 Rick Allred www.rickallredimagery.com
